Wow. Why didn't anyone tell me missionary work was so hard? Haha. Man. It was a rouuugh week. There were a lot of factors that contributed to it. My mission has already been such an opportunity for growth. I see my desires, my flaws and myself more clearly. I have been thankful for this because as we see our flaws, we have the ability to correct them, to change, and become better people. But lately I feel I have become overly aware of my flaws. I dwell on them and when things don't go right with an investigator... I blame it on myself. What am I doing wrong that is keeping this from going right!?!?! I am a dweller. I dwell. Just ask Cyd or any roommate I have ever lived with. I dwell. I dwell on the problem until I feel it has been "fixed." But things are different now. The problems that I have are big. They are all encompassing. I couldn't narrow it down to just one thing no matter how hard I tried. It’s overwhelming.
But then there was the General Relief Society Broadcast. And President Uchtdorf spoke about the forget-me-nots. He reminded us to be patient with ourselves. He told us that God is fully aware that we are not perfect. This hit me like a slap in the face. There is such a fine line between growth and stagnant living. All too often I think the only choice is to either push yourself to the limit or completely surrender and give up. We need to be comfortable with ourselves while still being motivated to do better. We need to love ourselves. President Uchtdorf said, "Keep working on it but stop punishing yourself." To me, that zone... that area between punishment and improvement was a little cloudy. But sometimes life is like that. It’s a balancing act in which we need to experiment and try new things.
Dang, do I have a lot to learn. Haha. But I am hoping, this week, to stop punishing myself for them and simply...grow.
But this week has not been without it’s blessings! There is a woman we went to visit. She is the sweetest woman in the world. She is in her twenties and has two children. She was a convert to the church who is now in active and hasn't attended for several years. Home and Visiting teachers have tried to go by and see them and do service but were always turned away. Sister Adamson and I rolled through there to go meet her one day expecting a door in the face. But we did it anyways. Instead we were welcomed in with a friendly smile. She was so excited to see us. We came in and talked with her...at first she was hesitant but then started filling up a bag full of goodies for us. We kept saying, "No, no seriously its okay." But she filled baggies of trail mix and fruit roll-ups and other goodies. And on our last refusal she teared up as she said, "No really, I need to do something for you. It is so amazing what you do." I was taken aback. I didn't understand how this woman who we had heard wanted nothing to do with us was being so.... friendly? We got to know her a bit and didn't say anything relating to the church when she said..."I miss it. I miss feeling the spirit." We had a moment with her and just... WOW! I LOVEEEEEEEEEE THESE PEOPLE SO MUCH GUYS! It’s killing me! Anyways. Her husband was born in the church and has active parents but wants NOTHING to do with it. If she were to go to church or even show interest in those kinds of things it would cause (and has in the past) problems in their relationship. So we have been going by to just check on her and let her know we love her. We haven't been by in quite sometime to see her because her husband is always home and we didn't want to bother him. So fast-forward to this past Saturday night. I'm feeling awful. I had a rough week. Our only investigator right now is making no progress and having quite a rough time with things in her life right now. We have no one. We aren't doing the kind of work I wanted to this week. Nothing is happening! So I pray. And I pray. And I stay up waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too late Saturday night reading every. single. entry in the area book. (All the people for the last billion years that have been taught or contacted or that are less-active in our area) I read about EVERY person. And I just... I wanted to know what we could do better. Who is in need. I show up to church the next day soooooo ready to have something good happen. I walk into church and there she is on the pew. Baby in hand. SHE WAS THERE! We came over and had a tearful hug and just... I couldn't move. I just... Wow. No words. Sister Adamson would crack up every time she looked at me that day because literally... I was GRINNING from ear-to-ear. Now... I know people say that a lot. But this was like CREEPY how much I was grinning. I have no words for it. But mom and dad. Home teaching and Visiting teaching. NEVER give up. NEVER stop doing all you can to show your love for people. Be genuine. Be sincere. Have no other motive than love for them. Because it works. That faithful visiting teacher that when they wouldn't answer the door, left a friendly card... made the difference! HOW AMAZING is that!?!?! That tiny little name you are given on a sheet of paper. That is your person. That is your 1 of the ninety and nine. I just... I'm grateful. I'm grateful to be here in California Roseville. I'm grateful to have such a wonderful companion. I am grateful for China. I am grateful for my family. I am just sooooooooooooooooooooo happy and grateful that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me. That knows when I am stuggling and that loves me enough to bless me and show me the good things in life. I am rambling now. But... I don't sleep much and I'm just GRATEFUL OKAY!?!?!?!
At times it’s painful to INVEST ourselves in the care of others. (Like Sis. Aldrich said) But as we do that for people. As we invest everything we have in service, in visiting and home teaching. In being a neighbor and a friend. Others who may not have ever felt of God's love for them...will feel it. People who never had a friend...will have one. We are so lucky to have the blessings of the gospel. We are so lucky to have programs like relief society where people care for each other and provide relief from the pains and sorrows of everyday life. Gah! I feel so corny when I tell you these things but it is so true! This church is AMAZING! This life we have been given is such an opportunity to reach out and to develop charity. The pure love of Christ. I love you all so much. I missed you a lot this week. Thank you for the letters mom. They always come at the perfect time and bring a smile to my face. I haven't gotten the package with the music yet but I am super excited about it! I love you like a crazy person. If people ask why I don't write them back... tell them that I love them. Tell them that EVERY letter I have received...(thank you Sydney Gregson) has brought SOOOO much joy to my day. I love hearing from all of them.
Good job on your song mom! Haha. I wish I could have seen Bro. Olmstizz killin' the guitar and Bishop rockin the trumpet. Man I miss our ward! Our ward is AWESOME! Keep it real.
Love,
Sista Mitchell!
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